Sex Therapy and Forgiveness for You

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In 1970 Masters and Johnson published a report that revolutionized todays sex therapy. Their new therapeutic approach to sexual problems changed the views of health professionals traditional treatment for sexual dysfunction. In contrast to popular belief, the new therapy was problem focused, direct, brief and behavioral with regards to technique. A good number of sexual problems were from a strict religious background or limited sex education.

The result shows lack of communication with sexual partners, little to no information about normal sexual function and performance anxiety. The new therapy’s main focus was to reeducate and lessen anxiety over performance.

On the heels of Masters and Johnson, Helen Kaplan (1974 & 1979) introduced and elaborated her version of the new sex therapy. Her direct approach to symptom treatment worked. However, the new behavioral techniques met with resistance, the therapist relied on psychodynamic theory to understand the possible intrapsychic and interpersonal roles of the sexual dysfunction. In other words, more serious underlying causes of the sexual dysfunction were sought primarily within those cases not responding to direct intervention.

Also in 1970, Masters and Johnson included a short-term but thorough therapy session with couples. Their session gave each couple knowledge regarding human anatomy and physiology in addition to general counseling. Masters and Johnson also believed therapists should work as a couple (male and female) therefore the therapy session involved cotherapists and the couple.

Also during these sessions the clients were directed to create activities for nondemand pleasuring or “sensate focus”, where they were to experience sexual pleasure without demands on sexual performance. The objective was to experience sexual pleasure by rediscovering their and their partner’s bodies through the aid and encouragement of their therapists.

The rate of Masters and Johnson’s success with their new therapy was high. It appeared that their failure rate was only 20% for all sexual dysfunctions combined. Their approach was quickly accepted by the health professionals with enthusiasm about a therapeutic approach to alleviate their clients’ sexual functions.

In the last 25 years after Master and Johnson several changes have taken place with a greater focus on sexual gratification and discussion of sexual issues. In the 1970’s the primary sexual dysfunctions were anorgasmia for women and premature ejaculation for men. Their treatment was brief and direct as many women only needed to overcome limited sex education and negative sexual attitudes, so treatment was generally positive.

During the same time as the contemporary sex therapy there was an increase in mass media regarding sexual enhancement with topics like orgasm and sexual satisfaction. Also, self-help books became available on how to improve sexual function and how to enjoy sex. In the 1980’s therapists became practically scarce due to adults with sexual issues found aid with the media only to leave the clients with more pervasive and chronic sexual problems needing treatment.

The sex therapists’ new caseloads consisted of erectile failure, low sexual desire and compulsive sexual behavior. Thus therapeutic approaches changed with the more complex, relationship-bound problems that sex therapists were facing. Also early sexual trauma causing sexual dysfunction needed to be address changing their treatment methods to include bibliotherapy, group therapy and medication for sexual issues.

The pharmaceutical companies stand to profit from proliferation of such interventions. Further insurance companies are more likely to reimburse for interventions by urologists and gynecologists than from behavioral sex therapists. Lastly, because of social stigma over sexual dysfunctions, many Americans would prefer to be diagnosed with a medical disorder than a psychological one.

How to Begin to Forgive through Sex Therapy: The therapeutic use of forgiveness in sex therapy requires a client’s readiness to seek or grant forgiveness. A skilled therapist will use forgiveness to assess their client in terms of openness and readiness in terms of development, timing and religion.

The therapeutic use of Forgiveness in sex therapy is complicated by the unsure emotions felt toward significant others, and the love”hate relationships with them. If your anger and resentment are debilitating to you, and if there is no way you can assuage them by bringing the offender to justice, it is in your own self-interest to remove them. Certain forgiveness strategies can be helpful, as we shall later see. Many people feel a deep sense of relief when a long-standing anger is dissipated and they are free at last from the perpetrator’s control over their emotions. When you hold on to an anger that consumes you without satisfying you in any way, you are, in effect, allowing the individual who hurt you to injure you continuously.


A lot of the time the clients need for revenge controls their consciousness and that prevents them from having a normal life. By letting go of the anger through forgiveness it helps them lead a healthy lifestyle. They may not forgive their partner in the moral sense, but overcoming the anger is for their well-being and for the well-being of others (members of the family) that maybe affected by the clients negative attitude.

Because forgiveness, repentance, and atonement are derived largely from religious traditions, counselors should evaluate the potential usefulness of these processes on the basis of each client’s religious.

Therapeutic Use of Forgiveness in Sex Therapy: To break unhealthy development and relational patterns and promote healing through forgiveness theoretically is a 4 step process. These steps help the client gain knowledge and recognize the sexual disease, sexual issues, sexual behavior, to give opportunity for compensation and to let the client act on the forgiveness.

Ironically, encompassing both mortality an morbidity associated with sexually transmitted disease and overpopulation, people today are faced with more problems related to sex. Relationships between men and women face great challenges with a lack of control over their sexual health. A need for sexual science is as great today as ever.

Not everyone knows the idea of self-worth and will not forgive someone that has behaved in an evil way. Also at some point it is hard to differentiate between the sin itself and the sinner, especially if the sinner does it over and over again. Sins are done by people and when done by relatively good people it seems odd. The sin usually doesn’t mirror the person who did it..but what if they are a repeat offender? Why should the client have negative feelings?

Be that as it may, if you have successfully been able to reframe your view of the offender, and find empathy and compassion for him, you might be willing to absorb your pain rather than pass it on to him with punitive words or actions. Your willingness to forgo your right to punish him will also save innocent others from the negative consequences of a sustained and exacerbated conflict. Your willingness to forgive will be a gift to your spouse and to your children as well.

I want you to know I am not talking about rape, murder or sexual abuse but offenses like insensitivities, a miss perception of one’s intentions or narcissistic preoccupation. Are these offenses worth all that built up resentment and hate? Forgiveness is influenced by factors over a long period of time; advances, retreats and diversions it should not be an all or nothing situation in which you forgive or you don’t

When it comes to embracing the wisdom of the virtue of humility, please keep in mind the fundamental weakness of human nature. Everyone has a tendency to be selfish and hurt others. It is hard to be good and caring all the time. The client must realize they are not perfect either, even if not in the same matter as the person that hurt them.

One day the shoe might be on the other foot and your client may want forgiveness. Forgive so you will be forgiven. If you fear that by forgiving your partner you have let your guard down and opened yourself up to be hurt again, forgive them without letting them know or take steps to protect yourself.

Your clients main concern is that to forgive is to condone the offense or perceive to condone it. They can forgive their partner without condoning what they have done. To forgive someone and give them a second chance does not erase the offense, but rather to hope for improvement….so let your forgiveness mean a change for the better.

As for losing your victim status, it is probably healthier for you in the long run to have your status determined by who you really are; rather than by the offenses you have suffered. It is better for you to aspire to what you deserve because of your character, efforts, wisdom, or good deeds than to rely on having been someone’s victim. Do not let the temporary benefits of victim-hood prevent you from forgiving, even though forgiving would usually imply that you no longer claim the rights owed to you by having been your offender’s victim. Furthermore, deficits in forgiveness may contribute to increased levels of psychopathology and difficulties in maintaining or restoring mental health and sexual health.

With the clinical features of sexual science, sex therapy is also in crisis due to not being taken seriously. Today the sex therapist treats sexual relationships. What is the difference to treat a couple with Viagra vs. sex therapy? Sex therapy deals with communication problems, emotional insecurity, unresolved resentment and inappropriate sexual meanings. But in some cases, giving them Viagra is all a therapist needs to do for worthwhile benefits to result.

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